Things men should not do

I was responding to a post of Sue Woo and realized men are just stupid. I love men, but they are not the brightest lights on the Christmas tree sometimes. just sayin'. And as I thought about it, I just kept thinking of things, so here goes.

1.- Don't kill your wife. Everyone will know you did it and you will go to jail. Is that REALLY better than a divorce??

2.- Don't wear spandex. Really. It is just not a good look on anyone, and it is either a good advertisement for your wares, or a warning of your shortcomings. At any rate, I just don't want to see it. ( along those same lines, who told fat girls that spandex was a good look???)

3.- don't eat like a pig, then say how you are just not attracted to fat girls. That matchmaker show had a huge guy on there, and he was giving her his opinion, and she said " Why are men 'big' but women are fat?" Some of us fat girls don't mind a little pudge on our men, but unless you are Matt McConaughy, don't be so damn picky.

4.- Don't fart in public. Especially in a store. It isn't cute, or funny. It is just gross, and rude and it just makes you look like a redneck. Except a lot of the rednecks I know are way more polite. Same with belching.

5.- Your so called natural smell is not that sexy to anyone but your girlfriend, and that is pretty iffy. It is not unmanly to wear deodorant. The very best smell on a man is soap. Not buckets of perfume. Yes, it is a fine line to walk, but if you want to get laid, you will walk it.

6.- Don't wear those cutoffs or track shorts you had when you were twenty. They are too damn short and you look like a dork, and I don't want to see your treasures. Especially don't wear them with knee high athletic socks and work boots.

7.- Brush your teeth.

8.-If you are advertising online for a woman, don't take off your shirt and flex for the camera. Don't take a picture of yourself in the shower. Don't think you are a sexpot. You just look vain, and like you are trolling for sex, and most women will just run the other way. Most women don't want to go out with a man who is prettier or who thinks he is prettier than we are. And if you are that hot, why are you advertising???

9.- When you only look at women who are 20 years younger than you, you just seem sad. Are you afraid of grown ups? Do you think you are still that young looking? Do you not care about actually having a conversation with a woman? She is just going to make you feel older.

10.- Don't tell racist or sexist jokes. It is never sexy or funny or anything you think it is. It is sad, pathetic and ignorant, and makes you look like a pig. And people will talk about you behind your back and not invite you to nice parties. You are only fit for keggers. If that.

11.- Women, in general, aren't turned off by you being bald. But that toupee is awful, and we will make fun of it.

12.- Don't whine about everyone hating you and your job is awful, and blah blah blah. Be happy and enjoy your life and have fun. Way more sexy, and just plain nicer to be around, for both men and women.

13.- Understand that women are not your employees, or your servant, and you are a big boy and can turn on the washer, dryer, dishwasher and so on. Chances are, if you are spending much time with a woman, you claim to love her, or at least like her a lot, and treat her at least as well as you treat your own friends. Help her with chores. Way more sexy than thrusting your hips and doing that little thing with your tongue that you think is sexy. And don't even get me started on the strip tease.

14.- Don't proclaim to love someone, and then constantly tell them everything they are doing wrong. Just because it isn't your way, doesn't make it wrong. If you love them, love them. It shouldn't be conditional on their clothing choices or housecleaning skills.

15.- Clean your house. Yea, I hate it, too, but I pay a very nice woman to come in and make it all pretty for me. For less that what you would probably spend on beer. So worth it.

Yes, I am fully aware that women do things, too, but I am a woman and today I am picking on men. Because there is just so much to pick on!